Glory Bound

They call it a problem, I call it a hobby

It was no secret that I’d turn out quite the chatty Kathy. I grew up always talking everyone’s ear off and telling intricate stories. I was that student in class consistently raising my hand to ask another question or being told to peep down. The invention of the cell phone and my privilege to have one was probably the worst decision my parents made; as I can remember late night phone calls that resulted in waking them up or ringing up the bill to over $300.00. Sometimes it was disrupting dance class to tell a friend a great story and other times it was me ignoring one customer at work to talk to another. Day in, day out, I was a Stage 5 Suzy-talks-a lot and over the years I have been led to believe this was a poor character trait of mine. Simply stated on every report card “Disruptive in class,” “Talks too much,” etc. However they decided to word it at the time. It was negative. Although talking wasn’t the only thing I was concerned with. At a very young age I decided I could read. (I couldn’t) But that wasn’t going to stop me from holding a book, flipping the pages, and speaking gibberish. Yes, it’s caught on camera. I was so young that I couldn’t even speak correctly, but like I said, “I could read.” The same theory continued with writing. I scribbled (but in line formation) and I could write in cursive (squiggly lines) and I wrote often. Now those qualities were acknowledged as much more positive character traits of mine. They followed me through grade school and high school, and I was aware that English was my strong suit.

As I’ve grown up and embarked on the adventure of figuring out what I’m meant to do or be, it has been a struggle. Along with many of you I suspect as well. It’s not easy to decide what you’d like to do every day for essentially, the rest of your life. (Really though… does retirement even exist anymore?) I let outside perspectives influence my decisions as to what I should or could be, or flat out ignored my intuitive nature. I knew what my strengths were, but I ignored them for a period of time. Believing those qualities wouldn’t make me suitable for an impressive career. I decided psychology would be a better major to go into. Really… psychology? Well I learned quickly once I found out the math requirements, that this major was not for me. I was back at square one.

So I’ve spent the last year really, picking up and putting down ideas that have come to mind. And am finally at something that every grain in my body can agree upon: Communications. Okay, vague, I know that. But I’d love to incorporate my natural inclination to network and interact on a professional level while maintaing my passion to write. Particularly I’d like to venture into the world of Public Relations and Journalism, ignoring that they may be impacted or pay less. If you’re good enough at something, it doesn’t matter how many other people are your competition. If you believe strongly enough with something, the world will work its wonders to help you get there, and I firmly believe this is the industry I belong in.

Since starting this blog, I have been so happy. I either wake up, or come home every day with a list of new ideas that I can’t wait to write about and I can’t remember the last time I had so much passion for something. I read a book recently, that I’m sure many of you have already read called, The Alchemist. I was so intrigued by the words of Paulo Coelho that I finished the book in one day, I couldn’t put it down. It was like he was speaking directly to me. His philosophy on intuition blew my mind and there was one particular quote that made me a firm believer in my dream.

The boy didn’t know what a person’s “destiny” was. 
“It’s what you have always wanted to accomplish. Everyone, when they are young, knows what their destiny is. At that point in their lives, everything is clear and everything is possible. They are not afraid to dream, and to yearn for everything they would like to see happen to them in their lives. But, as time passes, a mysterious force begins to convince them that it will be impossible for them to realize their destiny… It’s a force that appears to be negative, but actually shows you how to realize your destiny. It prepares your spirit and you will, because there is one great truth on this planet: whoever you are, or whatever it is that you do, when you really want something, it’s because that desire originated in the soul of the universe. It’s your mission on earth.”

Since practically birth I have been a talker, a writer, a reader. It’s not only what I love to do, its what I can’t help but do. It is my nature, my essence. So thank you to all of my teachers for the cute little notes on every report card and the lovely calls home. You have been perfect reminders of what I’ve always enjoyed doing, and will continue to enjoy throughout my personal and professional life.

Rule #32- Enjoy the little things

Today was, like many days lately, a great example of how the smallest things can create so much happiness. When you can’t stop smiling or silently applaud yourself for your actions. I have found these days occurring more and more since the move, and the times prior to now seem to be particularly when I was on vacation or in solitude. Maybe that’s the key. Maybe all you need is to have everyday items and people subside and then poof, here comes a whole new outlook. I’ve always believed that when you’re without your comfort zone, without your social scene and daily routines, you are forced to rely on just yourself for happiness. I think a dose of solitude can go a long way and will leave you with a lot of clarity. I think many are afraid to take that chance of being alone; fearing it would cause the exact opposite effect… depression, separation anxiety, feeling alone. But I find it all quite a 180. For the past three weeks I have been forced to think a lot about myself. My nature, personality, flaws I’d like to work on, dreams I can’t wait to pursue, and philosophies. I have become my new best friend, because in the real world, we are all that we’ve got. If you can’t stand to be alone, I think you’ve lost in this world. Some of the greatest moments in my life have been solely with just me. Driving down the coast with just music and the ocean, or spending a day watching my favorite movies and laughing as loud as I want to. I think it’s important to enjoy yourself, your mind, your creativity. So to continue my initial theory on enjoying the little things- here is how my day went, and why it was so perfect.

I woke up and made myself a big bowl of oatmeal. (Not the instant kind… nothing instant can be that good) Mixed in some brown sugar, sliced almonds and a splash of skim milk. Each bite was more delicious than the last. I think anything you (or your parents) makes is by default so much better than anything you can buy. I put on my favorite Pandora station and got dressed for the gym. I began my walk to the gym. Just a couple of blocks. But with those couple of blocks a lot goes through my mind. What I’d like to do for the day, how fresh and clean the air feels, how long I want to work out for. I ran for one hour on the treadmill while listening to my “Pick Me Ups” playlist on my iPod. I caught myself smiling on several occasions simply because of exercising. I then walked to my favorite local organic wine and cheese shop, Cup’n’Board and bought home made sweet potato soup. When I got home I rinsed off, put some fresh clothes on, turned on the TV and dug into my bowl of soup. “Ahhh.” Just what the doctor ordered. With so many herbs and spices, I couldn’t have made it any better myself. I decided to dabble in baking and whipped up my favorite gluten-free oatmeal cookies. Not only the easiest recipe, but delicious. Chit chatted with my mom about whatever was on our minds and it felt so great to catch up. It was like I was right back at home. As I got ready for work, I got a call from a restaurant I had applied just a few days prior. They wanted an interview! I was already on cloud 9 and this put the cherry on top. (The interview is tomorrow @ 2:00, I’m so excited) I then walked to work, which is one of my favorite things to do. Sure its cold, but its fresh air. I got to hangout with some of the awesome new friends I’ve met at work and after a few hours got to go home with a wonderful meal- grilled chicken and spring vegetables. Mmmmm! As if any part of my day could have been better… I am greeted by my aunt and uncle at home with fresh home-made gluten-free carrot cake. In all, many of these things could be mundane, redundant. But to me, I’d like to think it was the greatest day ever. I appreciated every component of the day, every minute, every conversation, every meal. This ramble may sound cheesey and cliche, but I feel content with that because at the end of my days I go to bed feeling so damn happy about my life.

Hasta la vista Facebook

I think I’ve deleted and reactivated my Facebook over twenty times. Each time I decide to delete it, I am so convinced it’s for good. I always have the same logic and usually preach the idea of deleting it to others. I came to this summarized conclusion about a year ago and have battled with it ever since, and it goes as such:

The idea of Facebook is great… if you live in a different country or state, etc, from your family or good friends. Or if you are desperately concerned with what your old classmates are doing. Otherwise, the entire concept is pretty pathetic. Think about it. We all log into something not only on a daily basis, or twice a day basis, but up to an hourly or minutely basis… that already sounds pathetic enough. On top of that we are concerned with the approval or acceptance from our peers, co workers, most importantly the people we see or talk to on a daily basis. As if texting, calling, video chatting, whatever, isn’t good enough. No, we have to make profiles based more on who we think we are, than actuality. We take photos and post only the ones most appealing. We post inspiration quotes or laugh out loud funny shit that we are currently doing, sometimes as annoying as checking into Starbucks or some bar. And why? For what purpose? Oh, to remind everyone that’s already in your life that you are social, you are liked, you are cleaver and original and creative. You found that song before she did, you “liked” that quote first, and you were cool enough to have been invited to that party and be tagged in 40 pictures from it. Now lets take a few steps back here, and analyze the reasons I’ve just given. Re-read it if you have to… I think it is completely narcissistic to imply that I or anyone for that matter, gives a flying fuck about what you did last night or that you went to that one bar with that one guy.

What happened to privacy? I’m sorry let me re-phrase that, what happened to wanting privacy? We are all so quick to give our entire lives up on some website. Not only allowing others to view our social lives but shoving it in their faces. What happened to not kissing and telling? That’s long gone because now we can be tagged in a picture that clearly shows the guy you made out with last night… classy. I think the entire concept started from a good place and went rapidly south. Extremely south. As far south as the melting icebergs potentially destroying the polar bear species all together. Aside from now being completely self-absorbed, we waste a lot of time doing it! Each time I’ve deleted mine, I have found myself getting back into so many things I actually enjoy and that contribute to my life in a positive way. Such as: starting this blog for instance, reading about a book a week, getting into baking (or attempting), spending more time with my parents (when I still lived in California), and lastly, getting my ass to the gym and getting some quality cardio in.

When you’ve detoxed from Facebook, you suddenly find that you have all this time to do actual interesting things. Things that you either forgot you enjoyed, or never would have known about. I also found that I was much more at peace with myself. I didn’t feel like I had to think of something witty to post or scope someone’s new photo album from that one trip and wish I had been there. I felt content with my life, just how it was. “But I’ll be missing out!” … on what? You are not actually friends with 600 people, and if you are, I guarantee they aren’t genuine. In the beginning you will wonder a few things such as, if there are any cute pictures of you newly posted, or if whats-her-face is trying to talk to your ex, maybe even if that one guy tried to add you. But here’s the reality; none of those components matter the slightest in the grand scheme of your life. You aren’t going to increase your well-being or happiness with any of that, you will only potentially limit it.

Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but true friends will call, at the very least text; a guy that’s worth having around will ask a friend for your number or would have asked for it to begin with, and pictures can be sent by e-mail – it’s not going to ruin your life if you don’t see it instantly. Now maybe I just wrote all of this to keep convincing myself. Because like I said, I’ve deleted and re-activated more than I can count. And could quite possibly slip up at any moment. (They make it so easy to go back! You just log in as usual and POW! all of your friends/etc are the same. Dammit Mark Zuckerberg) But at least I’m being honest with myself. With this, I’m giving myself reason to step up to the plate and prove that I am not a hypocrite. At the end of this post, if you still want your Facebook and love it even more, good for you. There is no shame, there are billions of others who feel the same way. I just happen to be one that doesn’t, and with that we can agree to disagree.

These are a few of my favorite things

Writing until my hand goes numb. Loud loud music that I know all the lyrics to. The house to myself so I can bust out my interpretive dance moves and re-enact old choreography. Talking to myself, engaging in conversations that I hope someday happen. Hallmark or any card stores, I could card shop for hours in fact I have. Book stores and libraries. Pictures pictures pictures pictures, etc. Taking them, looking at them, framing them, commenting on them. Saving old movie tickets, wristbands, receipts, letters, notes. Comedies all day any day. When Harry Met Sally. Elf. Step Brothers. My best friend who tells it like it is and has the greatest sense of humor. Public transportation. Long drives in a passengers seat with my iPod on and some awesome music while looking out the window. Hugs. Lists… I like making lists for everything and I mean that. Shopping, uh oh. Scarves, I may have too many actually. Garage sales and vintage stores. A good book. Proving my point. The ocean. Working in restaurants. Talking, to whoever about whatever and whenever. Sleeping a lot, and not being woken up. A home cooked meal, particularly breakfast for dinner or something comforting like mashed potatoes or spaghetti; actually everything my mom makes is perfect. Quality friends, even if that means only having one; because that one person is so much better than all of those selfish, inconsiderate fakes. My camera. My space, I don’t like being smothered. Independence and exercising it as much as possible. Surfing with my dad. “I love  you.” Starting over. My blanket, Wooby. A schooner of Stella. Trips to Hawaii with my dad. Venice Beach. Reading my horoscope. Meeting new people. An organized mess. My dog jose and cat Neo, I wish they were people. Individuality. Traveling; anywhere at anytime, I just like new. Fashion. Going for a walk with no destination. Chai tea lattes, preferably hot. Art museums. Taking a daycation with my best friend. An ice cold glass of water. Sunflowers. Grampy. Dancing, yoga, pilates. Accents and different languages (as long as you aren’t asking me to understand or learn it.) Planning things. Social gatherings. Cooking, the little that I can.

A breath of fresh air

As I step into this new year I am presented a handful of resolutions I’d love to fulfill. Resolutions I kept on the back burner until this point in time to save myself the disappointment. To save myself some peace of mind. To keep myself from feeling regret or hang my head. I saved these goals for this very day, week, month. I believe new years resolutions are like birthday wishes… jynxed when announced. So rather than spill pages of everything I hope to achieve this year and seek the approval from those reading, I’m going to silently embrace these changes in my own mind and will announce such success when it is achieved.

This year is a year for drastic change…embraced with open arms, but drastic nonetheless. With each day I become a little bit closer to a new era of my life. I could hardly even compare it to the “next chapter” because to me it honestly feels like a new book in general. It began with a younger me; naive and lost. A traveller at heart, so ready to pick up and leave. Days turned into weeks, and then months, and before long my days were consumed of the lifeless redundancy. Don’t get me wrong, I truly love the life I’ve led. I’ve loved every single minute of my life; the good the bad, the ugly. But I also strongly believe in signs, symbolism, intuition. I believe we all know when push comes to shove, and we all know what we “should” do next. It is a matter of actually doing it.

I spent the entire past year learning one single universal word we all seek…love. Dipping my feet into the pool of dating, first romances, what to do…what not to do. And as so many are, I became a hopeless romantic so involved with someone else and wanting someone else that I forgot who I was entirely. I couldn’t remember who Kali was. I had lost my greatest qualities; my humor, my honesty, my independence. That should have been a sign in itself, but of course we all by nature love to make the same mistakes twice. Instead of taking that point in my life to now focus on myself and what I needed to do, I turned yet again to a man. Fragile but eager. He was quite the opposite of the last… which is what I think attracted me in the first place. Despite everything around me flashing red lights, onward I went, and not very shockingly did that not work out either. But enough of their insignificance… my point being- I came to this final point in my life where I realized I had completely compromised my dreams to settle. I was settling. Not necessarily with any guy, but with this pattern, this lifestyle. I realized that I had always been waiting for the “perfect time” to move. As if there ever would be one… as if the universe would leave me a voicemail letting me know it was okay to pick up my life and move. But there was a sign. A symbol.

Maybe it wasn’t as blatant as I had ever imagined or maybe it wasn’t something I dreamt, but it was there. The universe was somehow pointing me in the direction of the decision that left me with a single question, “What is holding you back?” And at that rate…nothing was. That was Every reason to leave. A one-way ticket and 18 weeks of planning later, here I am. Ready to embark on what will mark my first substantial change of my life. These days it seems far too difficult to keep a journal or pick up a pen for that matter. So this blog is an accomplishment for me, as little as it is. This will be a little insight to the new life I am creating. Each step of my progress and new experiences. With that said, Happy New Year! Lets get started